Teach a Man to Fish

Or Don’t

I’ll start by saying I had no idea how to clean, scale or fillet fish until one autumn day when a man who goes by BWise caught a whole five-gallon bucket full of crappie, and another local man who goes by MAC showed me how to fillet them.

Meeting BWise

I was having a beer with my former business partner (we’re still good friends) at Pop’s Bar and Grill at Trails End Resort and Marina when BWise showed up and ordered the alligator tail. I was having a Budweiser and BLT and we started speaking. BWise then offered me his catch of crappie which I foolishly accepted not knowing he was a semi-pro fisherman at the time.

Learning to Clean Fish

I finished working at The Naked Minnow (the local bait and tackle shop) and took that whole five-gallon bucket filled with crappie home when I realized I had a huge problem. I had no idea how to clean fish. I butchered a few of them before I gave up and called on my Aunt’s husband, MAC, to come help.

MAC

MAC rolls up in his nice as fuck RAM crew cab truck and just starts filleting fish like a pro with me observing carefully. He leaves and I start filleting fish and get some nice fillets, but the session finished with me taking a trip to the ER.

The ER Trip

I slice myself with the fillet knife and there’s blood everywhere. I think it’s worse than it is because I’m bleeding like a stuck pig and start worrying about all the things I could catch from fish slime and guts. I am advised to go to the local ER in Donalsonville where I have to wait for hours but receive excellent care. No sutures are required and they just clean my knick with iodine and dress the cut on my knuckle. They also give me antibiotics and a tetanus shot.

Air Frying the Fillets

When I get back from the ER all I can think about is my empty stomach. I clean off the fillets and pop them in the air fryer. All I can say is that fresh fish are some good eating. I ate every last damn fillet myself which was good considering I hadn’t had anything all day.

I’m off now to cook up some catfish nuggets provided by my acquaintance Tim, the catfish pro.